Tailor jokes

Announcement: "I'll buy an overlocker not expensive, at least I'll find out what it is."

A young tailor pretends to be a tough guy, meets a girl in a cafe. She, a practical girl, immediately delicately tries to find out his financial situation:

- And what's your job?

- Oh-oh-oh ... I have a very ancient profession, almost the oldest. It became necessary for people immediately after the emergence of the most ancient profession ...

- So you're a pimp...

At an expensive tailor. A young man with a very short haircut in a shabby leather jacket and soldier's boots:

- My requirements for clothing are as follows: not to wrinkle, not to get dirty, so that if it catches on a nail, the nail breaks out ...

Girl and boy conversation:

- How do you like my new skirt?

- Frankly, I thought it was a belt.

A man ordered trousers from a tailor and asked:

-When will it be ready?

- In a week.

The customer comes in a week, and the trousers are not ready.

-When they'll be ready?

- In a week.

A man goes to the tailor every "week" for six months. But finally, the pants are ready. The customer still wants to express his dissatisfaction with such terms and says:

- It took God only seven days to create the WORLD...

- So you look at this world - continuous imperfections. Now look at these pants - they are perfection!

The tailor takes measurements on trousers:

- Turn your face ... Turn sideways ... Sit down ... Stand up straight. Bend over. Stand up straight. You-breath... Inhale-oh... You-breath...

The colonel takes a new uniform from the tailor. Tailor asks:

- You like?

- Yes, but it seems to me that the right sleeve is shorter than the left.

- Yes? And you bend your arm a little like this ... Well, it’s already good ...

- Yes, but ... only it seems to me that the left shoulder strap is slipping onto my stomach.

- Yes? And you turn your shoulder like this and bend a little bit ... Well, it’s already good ...

- Yes, but ... only now the arrow on the trousers goes somewhere to the side.

- Yes? And you turn your feet like this ... and like this a little bit ...

The colonel leaves the studio in a new uniform. Two women look at the exits:

- Ah! What a colonel! - say one of them.

- Just how his life twisted! ...

Two Odessans:

- Rosa, how do you like my new dress?

- Sorry, Sarah, I'm in a hurry, I'm not up to scandals now!

Once upon a time there was a very rich man and he decided to sew a suit from a fabric woven to order so that no one else would have such a suit from such a fabric.

I thought: how much fabric to order? order 3 meters.

They wove him three meters of cloth.

He went to the Parisian couturier, so he ordered a suit. He took measurements and said: 10 cm is not enough for your figure.

The man went to New York. The same story: 10 cm is not enough for your figure. An American couturier advises him: go for the import, so such an old man is, well, a magician.

The poor fellow went to the import. The old man took the measurements, said to pick up the suit in a week. He comes to pick up - they take out a suit and a cap.

The man is at a loss - in Paris he was refused and in New York, because 10 cm was not enough for his figure, and in Odessa they sewed a suit and a cap ...

He scratched the pumpkin and asked the tailor why. The old man replies: "But because there you are a figure, and here - g ...".